How to carry yourself with the confidence of a mediocre white man.

publishedover 2 years ago
3 min read

Look, I know last week was 10,000 years ago, but after watching the first debates and rage screaming "SHUT UPPPPP!" for 90 minutes, I attempted to regulate my emotions by doing something I could control.

Seeing this psychotic moron continually fail upward fills me with a level of fury that I can barely articulate. But if this guy can be the president, then ANYONE can. I started to think, "What would happen if we all used his same level of conviction to do good things?"

My frustration inspired me to design this mask:

Carry yourself with the confidence of a mediocre white man face mask
It's based on a quote by writer Sarah Hagi.

(and pillows, mugs, T-shirts, etc.)

Carry yourself with the confidence of a mediocre white man.

When I posted the photo on Instagram, a commenter (a man, obviously) replied, "Ah, yes. Specifically basing your views on bashing one demographic to lift up another for your own benefit. Not surprising when you can't define yourself on greatness and instead continue a narrative of division."

But I really don't see this as an insult. I honestly, wish that I had the confidence of a mediocre white man. And this mantra has actually helped me because I sometimes suffer from lots of self-doubt.

Along with my ADD, it makes it really hard to start anything when the voice in my head is like, "YOU SUCK!" (Yes, intellectually, I know that's not true, but there's somehow a part of my subconscious that runs in the background either lightly whispering it or yelling depending on the day.)

But then I think about all of the embarrassing men I've dated, and their surprisingly bold behavior for how mediocre they actually are, and I wonder how they just go on living their lives not caring that they've sent some of the cringiest, thirstiest texts ever.

What it must be like for them to wake up every day and think, "I'm amazing! I'm going to dive right into something I don't know anything about, and I'm going to go in there and tell everyone my great ideas because they are 100% correct and original!"

I'm sure the men in this Tik Tok video have similar thoughts.

If you've read my book, you might remember the lessons I took from a certain fuckboy who always blatantly asked everyone for what he wanted. I still think about him and try to copy his energy sometimes. This dude was shameless. I witnessed him on multiple occasions go up to people and just ask them for stuff he wanted. Like, we went to a show once, and after the musician was done playing, fuckboy walked right up to him and asked if he could direct the guy's next music video. I stared at him in disbelief.

Lord, grant me the AUDACITY of an extremely average fuckboy.

The musician said no, but fuckboy didn't even bat an eye.

I want to steal some of that shameless fuckboy energy, except use it for the good of everyone.

Listen, I'm happy for these dudes that they can just do things. "Carry yourself with the confidence of a mediocre white man" just reminds me that I could be doing the same thing! We should be bravely asking for shit that we want, and taking chances, and going after jobs we are not-quite qualified for, and asking for more money. And if we're told, "no," just go on with our lives as if nothing happened.

This advice goes for other men too. Maybe you're not mediocre, or maybe you're not white, or maybe you don't fall under what society deems "acceptable." Or maybe you are white and mediocre, but you have self-awareness.

You, too, can look at those clueless dudes and aim to act with the same unabashed boldness of an unexceptional man sliding into a stranger's DMs and asking for titty pics without even saying hello.

I mean, don't actually do that, but use that same energy to take a risky chance for something you actually want.

Me? I'm making a personal pledge to myself to do at least one thing, big or small, every day until the election to stop Trump.

  • I'm already writing letters to dem-leaning swing-state voters with
  • I'm also going to start phone banking with Swing Left. They strategically set you up with the tightest races where you can make the biggest impact with your help. That means you could be calling people to help them vote, or it might mean calling on behalf of a local progressive candidate who's super close to beating a conservative. Find all the deets at

Join me in channeling our rage into doing some actual good before the election is over! We have less than a month!

Got more ideas? Let me know and email me at



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